Doing…

well hello again…

its been more than a year since I wrote…

I have finished art school

and reluctantly decided

I will not have a rebound relationship

with another institution

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so as I unshackle myself

from the roll of perpetual student

my choices seem to be

artist or crazy cat lady

and as my husband is allergic to felines

I feel it is my duty to choose artist.

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I know I promised to keep in touch

and maybe you won’t read this

but I’m going to write it anyway

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these letters…

to no one in particular

(but to you, at this present time, dear reader)

will tell the story

of one who has decided to

“stop thinking, worrying, looking over (my) shoulder,

wondering, doubting, fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, grasping, confusing, itching, scratching, mumbling, bumbling, grumbling, humbling, stumbling, numbling, rambling, gambling, tumbling, scumbling, scrambling, hitching, hatching, bitching, moaning, groaning, honing, boning, horse-shitting, hair-splitting, nit-picking, piss-trickling, nose sticking, ass-gouging, eyeball-poking, finger-pointing, alleyway-sneaking, long waiting, small stepping, evil-eyeing, back-scratching, searching, perching, besmirching, grinding, grinding, grinding away at (myself).

Stop it and just DO”

here is the frustratingly perfect Benedict Cumberbatch

reading Sol’s letter to Eva to celebrate our renewed contact

very good advice…

fear and trust…

A deadline is a great thing

it creates the impetus to show up at the studio

to allow yourself the luxury

of not feeling guilty for being totally obsessed

I enter the studio most days

fuelled on anxiety and fear

possibly too much caffeine

and a bravado that wilts by the end of the day

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the muse is an elusive whore

and cannot be relied upon at all

You feel like an artist…you act like an arsehole

you smell like turps… there’s paint in your hair

the household arranges itself around the squall of you

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I have been working toward a solo exhibition

it’s due in three weeks

prior commitments, life, family and sleep

taken into account…I only have 8 painting days left

no more time to pretend that the ultimate piece of work

(that one we chase)

will show itself at this time

apparently god created the world in seven days

I should be able to pull a show together in eight

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I head to the studio

wondering if I can salvage a show

from the paintings I already have

 …time to face the work I have already done

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I sit with my work

I am aware of the flaws and the beauty

they are finally free of me

and sit in their own energy

doubts drop like rocks from a wet overcoat pocket

 I don’t hate it

and that is enough

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And, to those of you wondering why  blogtober ended for me at at day 4

well the topic for day 5 was “what’s your favourite app?”

…I just had better things to do with my life

day 4 what is left on my bucket list?…

Well, this one has stumped me.

All day I have been thinking about it.

I do not have a bucket list.

Should I make one up for the challenge, I thought

Climb a mountain, swim with dolphins, write a novel,

achieve my happy weight?

If I did make a list of the things I want to achieve

before I kick the proverbial bucket

it would be short, and might go something like this.

 soften

forgive

 trust my Self

 let go of past hurts

 relinquish judgement

 to understand why I am here

and to make a piece of art that touches someone

cy

An image of Three studies from the Temeraire by Cy Twombly

I sat in front of it for an hour

there is so much freedom in it

and I am so not free.

it made me cry.

Blogtober day 3 my everyday essentials…

This one is interesting… what can’t I do without?

well, if I am honest one thing would be caffeine

no coffee no talkie really

so I suppose my coffee machine god bless it,

and a handmade cup to sip from (I have quite a collection)

Standard uniform, jeans and a black cotton t shirt,

because I could not imagine wondering what to wear every day.

Glasses, as I am quite blind without them.

Mobile phone, my main contact with the wide world.

 iPod, because after silence, music is closest to peace for me

A good book, sipped slowly or devoured …depending on the story

and finally, making time to recognise beauty somewhere

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ten things about me…

ten things about me…

I have joined the Facebook Blogtober Challenge hoping that it will help me reinvigorate my blogging.

In this challenge we post daily on a specific topic assigned, for the month of October.

Day one is 10 facts about me, I am going to be honest and open on the challenges and maybe I will learn something about myself… here we go

  • My home is in the village of Uki NSW near Mt Warning, one of the most beautiful places I know and can waste many hours looking out the view from my windows
  • Waking up the other morning I thought about how old I am and realised that I can’t really put off doing the things I want to do any longer…I will never fit into those jeans again, and I also realised that I had better figure out what it is I want to do.
  • I come across a bit rude sometimes, but it is because I am shy and have self-esteem issues. I am mostly afraid of people and although I am social, I am also very introverted which poses quite a challenge.
  • I express myself creatively because I am socially challenged, my home and my studio are my favourite places and when I am there, life makes sense.
  • I am a self-taught figurative ceramic sculptor who is now working in abstract drawing and painting and the great leap from one to the other is making my head spin.
  • I married the love of my life and consider myself the luckiest woman alive for that
  • I hate having my photograph taken because I don’t recognise the woman in the frame at all.
  • my sisters are my best friends and I cannot imagine life without them.
  • I think Lebanese food is love on a plate and I cook a mean feast, I always imagine I would like to have people over and share food/love with them but I am too introverted to ever do it.
  • I saw the movie Jaws too young and am afraid of swimming at the beach.
  • I have an unhealthy addiction to art supplies.

 

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let us be reckless…

Let us be reckless of our words and worlds,
And spend them freely as the tree his leaves;
And give them where the giving is most blest.
What should we save them for, –a night of frost? . . .
All lost for nothing, and ourselves a ghost

Conrad Aiken–One Star Fell and Another

On the 6th of November at the Byron School of Art Project Space I will show the work I have been creating as part of the Visual Arts Portfolio Course in a Solo Exhibition called “Words That Fall Like Stars”.

These paintings celebrate of the beauty of language and expression. Inspired by words I have come across that hold more power than marks on paper should. Words like art. Glorious words that fall like stars from the mouths of those that know them, words that when you find them, ignite a spark of consciousness that connects us better than any mobile service or wireless network ever could.

 

"Meraki" encaustic, cold wax and oil on board
“Meraki” encaustic, cold wax and oil on board

Meraki

(Love, Blood and Tears :: a reason not to die)

mA-‘rak-E (n) Greek

The soul, creativity or love that you put into something.

The essence of self that you put into your work.

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Stay in touch for more details as the date approaches

please contact using the site or on Facebook

if you wish to receive and invitation.